“Mother, when I think of Jesus suffering on the cross, my pain is nothing compared to His pain.”
Antonio, 8 years old died of cancer: “Mother, Our Lady came to pick me up”
An Italian mother tells the heartwarming story of her son who died of cancer, but she is happy that her son has been accompanied by his "beloved" Mother from the beginning to the end of his earthly journey.
Antonio Terranova was born on July 14, 2004 in Palerma, Italy, he returned to heaven on February 23, 2013, he was only 8 years old. The day you were born, people could say that it was like Jesus came down from heaven. I don't know how many people enter the hospital room, to the point of disturbing other patients.
It was a flexible, strong baby, blond hair, blue eyes, as he grew the blue color gradually fell to green. I am very smart and very approachable. From a young age, she has taken care of other children, especially those from disadvantaged backgrounds. Every morning, before going to school, I check to see if I forgot to put anything in my food bag, just in case other students need to eat.
During English and computer class, my teacher let me sit next to Alice and Enrico, who are poor students and don't know how to use computers. Patiently and tactfully, she explained and helped her friends use the machine when the teacher could not help.
Bad news
On May 21, 2011, doctors diagnosed that Antonio needed a liver transplant urgently. My liver is hardening because of a 10 cm big tumor. She went to the hospital to do a series of tests, at first the doctors were so pessimistic that they didn't want to put her name on the list of patients waiting for a liver transplant. We were desperate and worried, but immediately we clung to the cross of the Lord day and night. Everyone around us took turns fasting and praying.
At the organ transplant center, we learned the Divine Mercy prayer , from which we never gave up, in the afternoon we went down to the hospital chapel to pray the rosary. Antonio followed us and prayed with us. When she finished reciting the sutras, she stopped, looked at us and said:
“I forgot to say something important: 'Jesus, I trust in you!
Every morning when the nurses come in to draw blood, I cry. But when she heard other babies crying, she cried while saying to me: "Mom, go and comfort those babies, so they don't cry anymore!"
When it was her turn to draw blood, Antonio was still taking care of the other babies.
Jesus, where are you?
Blood draw, X-ray, doctor examination… It all hurts for you and for us. One morning, Antonio held in his hand the cross of Saint Benedict, which he held tightly in his arms and shouted:
“Jesus, where are you? I always believed in you, but now you don't help me, i don't believe in you anymore!"
She spoke in front of the desperate witness of nurses and family. No one can comfort me. But gradually she accepted the situation, and she herself finally advised me: "Mother, please be at peace".
Fifteen days after the first admission, to the surprise of the entire medical team, the doctor announced that a liver of a recently deceased baby would be transplanted to Antonio. In my heart, I was in excruciating pain, I couldn't be happier because my son could be healed, but an 11-year-old boy died from a ruptured cerebral artery in the face of his parents' shock and helplessness. A baby I haven't had time to pray for yet. In my prayers I pray for my baby to be healed, but my heart is heavy because this is another baby's liver for which I have guilt as the cause.
The surgery was successful and was 11 hours long. The surgeon said: 'We had the impression that it was her liver, it was easy, not as we thought. Fifteen days later we went home, confident, thinking we would go on with our normal lives. But… the suffering is not over. A few days later, on re-examination, the doctor said the disease had metastasized through the lungs. Antonio was admitted to the pediatric oncology hospital to continue receiving 20 doses of chemotherapy.
Jesus is very close
Day by day and Antonio began to wonder: why can't people believe in Jesus, but I see him so close? One day, at three o'clock in the afternoon, after finishing the Divine Mercy prayer at home, Antonio and I looked at each other. I stopped, scared to ask what happened to him. She replied, "Mom, don't say anything, keep praying, or they will go." We continued to pray, and then she said to me, “Mother, the Mother of God is there. I can see clearly, Our Lady has come to bless me” – in her own words…with the chalice, the same chalice she recognized when the priest came to give Communion to her father during his visit to Our Lady of Tears. Syracuse – “and you know what Mary does? I speak to you but not through my voice, but in my heart, I say now I believe in you." Antonio doesn't know that I often pray to Our Lady,
Trip of hope
Everyone thought Antonio would heal, but then the illness suddenly recurred and spread too quickly. Antonio rarely moans, so rare that the nurse told us when she cried: “Antonio is just a kid now, before you were like… an adult!” You always comfort us. One day she said to me: "Mother, why are you desperate, calm down, Mother Mary told me it would end soon." I asked her if she talked to Mary often, and she answered "yes", Mary said to her heart. Then I don't want to talk anymore.
At the end of November 2012, Antonio's health deteriorated and the doctor told him he had only one month left to live. We decided to take her to Lourdes, a trip of hope. A difficult trip. When he arrived in Marseille, the afternoon Antonio became strange, as if his soul began to fly. I was in a lot of pain but I felt a wonderful feeling.
She said: “Dad… Dad, I feel so comfortable, like I'm in the sky, a warm feeling in my stomach is very pleasant, I want to dance, I want to sing, I want to shout. Dad, I'm feeling well, I pray for you so you can feel as good as I do now."
After many difficulties, the next day we also reached Lourdes, where Antonio prayed for others, not for himself. When people reminded her to pray to Our Lady for her well-being, she said she would pray later.
Jesus on the cross
We prayed incessantly but sadly we left empty-handed. Then came Christmas and New Year's Eve, and Antonio's illness got worse and worse. We can't stand your terrible pain. Before Epiphany, we slept at our sister-in-law's house. It was a painful night, we couldn't sleep. Early in the morning Antonio said to me: “Mom, I feel so good! Mother, it is wonderful, Jesus and Mary come to our house. Jesus carried a bag and a rope tied around his shirt and with angels, they cleaned their house, cleaned everything.”
During that time, Antonio did not take any medication that could be attributed to the hallucination. Plus I didn't have chemotherapy at that time. In the afternoon, we were persuaded to take Antonio to the hospital so that the doctor could give him painkillers, after so many days he was in pain. Antonio was no longer in pain, he sat down in the hallway, exhausted and cried. I asked her, until now she has never cried, but why do she cry now? Antonio replied: "Mother, when I think of Jesus' pain on the cross, compared to God's pain, my pain is nothing."
I was as silent as death. I wonder why my children say that to me, until now, I see the Cross as an object hanging on the wall or hanging in the church for me to pray. I was angry with me, and I told him his pain was no less than Jesus' pain, but Antonio looked at me as if to say: "I can't understand". I dare not argue with my child.
After discouragement is a miracle
The condition was getting worse and worse, we couldn't stand Antonio's pain. One day Antonio was angry with God, he didn't want anyone to visit, which was unprecedented for him. Normally, even though it hurts, I want my friends and family by my side. Up until now she has been our comforter, but now she says, Jesus is not here because He is not helping me, prayer is also useless. Sometimes I say that but only for a short time, then I apologize to God, I trust him again. This time, I was really frustrated.
One afternoon priest Marco Lupo from Acquasanta church came to visit us. Dad sat next to me, he made me laugh and tried to help me regain my trust. The two prayed together asking the Holy Spirit to comfort them. And the first miracle happened, it was the miracle of the soul. Antonio stopped moaning, and he comforted us again. One day, in great pain, she knelt down and squeezed my hand as she said, “Mom, if Jesus doesn't heal me now it doesn't matter, anyway I know, with my pain, God is healing the babies at the hospital.”
I am still skeptical and continue to wonder what happened. Why did my child, just 8 years old, say that, and I, his mother, I don't understand? I, when I was in labor, just wanted to have a caesarean to relieve the pain but my baby was able to endure all this pain, I don't understand. All this power cannot come on its own. This strength can't even come from me, yet this power has been in me, this strength has helped me endure it all until now. Only God can do that. Only He alone.
One day I found Antonio lying in bed at home, eyes closed. I whispered to someone, I said, then paused for a while as if waiting for an answer, and then continued:
“I want to be here… in silence… if God will.”
Hearing that, I called Antonio to ask who he was talking to. I replied, "No one, Mom".
Christ is the only food
For the last two months, Antonio lived almost exclusively on Holy Communion, and a few mornings when the minister Francesco arrived, I asked my husband how Antonio could receive Holy Communion, he was in a coma. But when Francesco said, "Antonio, this is the Body of Jesus," Antonio suddenly opened his eyes and said, "Amen."
We couldn't believe how many times we didn't realize Jesus was in the house. One morning, parish priest Antonino Anna personally brought the Blessed Sacrament, but Antonio was in so much pain. Father Antonino asked him: "Antonio, do you want to receive Jesus?" Antonio turned his eyes to the Blessed Sacrament and said: "Jesus, Jesus, forgive me, Jesus forgive me, I want Jesus, give me Jesus."
My husband and I were moved to the core. What must we do to get my child's forgiveness? The pastor was also very emotional. Father put the container of the Blessed Sacrament on Antonio's belly, he calmed down and said: "Thank you Jesus, it's so good, I feel warm again, I thank Jesus, Dad, I have a feeling like in Lourdes."
After receiving Holy Communion, I rested. My house now has many priests coming to visit when they hear your story. They want to know me. Some of the priests even asked us to let them be alone in the room with her and when they left they cried. Antonio made us say the Divine Mercy prayer day and night. She likes people singing this sutra and usually at night she wakes me up so we can pray together. For me, every hour is prayer time.
Two days before she returned to Jesus and Mary, the parish brought to our house a life-sized statue of Our Lady of Medjugorje. This statue is carried to the churches. A woman who donated the statue to churches in Palerma and the state, she said, has never entered a private home. What a surprise for our family.
When everyone had left, I asked Antonio: "Antonio, how did Our Lady come to your house?" Antonio opened his eyes, looked at me and said, "Mother, Our Lady came to find me".
Two days later, on Saturday, February 23, 2013, at 13:55, Antonio returned to his beloved Mother.
Lord… we don't ask you why you took him, but we thank you that you gave him Antonio for us.
Translated by Marta An Nguyen
